Jan 27 2014

Captain’s Log III – The Heathen’s War

Vengeance Class Assault Frigate

Vengeance Class Assault Frigate

Ordo was just about to start one of his daily meditations in his inner chamber, as the communication holoreel flickered to life and a holographic image of his superior, the Lord Admiral Lok’ri came to life.”Captain Ordo”, he stated calmly, as always.
“Admiral”, Ordo said, offering a bow with his head, still in his sitting position.
“The Minmatar has launched several assaults on imperial assets in the Bleak Lands this evening. The Empire needs the Praetoria. You are to transfer yourself to your combat clone in Mehatoor, and report to operations immediately.”
Ordo blinked and confirmed the admirals call and the holographic communication disconnected. He stood up and started walking out of his chamber, heading towards his own personal cloning facility.
As Ordo entered the facility, he made a nod towards one of his service men as he walked towards an metallic chair in the middle of the room. He sat down and leaned back and almost immediately felt a ‘synthetic snake’ in the form of a tube connecting to the capsuleer socket on his neck. Ordo closed his eyes and drifted away from the consciousness of this body…

Raphael willed his Vengeance class assault ship, TES Dark Sefrim, towards the incoming artillery fire that hammered his ship’s armor. His course changed and with a single thought, Raphael turned on his Micro Warp Drive, turning his ships velocity to almost 3000 meter/second. He was heading towards the Minmatar capsuleer. Fast.
Guiding his vessel in the wake of the Thrasher class destroyer, Raphael now orbited it up close, activating his rocket launchers on a whim. A wide grin emerged on his face as his camera drones captured the beautiful scenery of Minmatar rust being redefined to dust by the very blast and fires that his rockets delivered as they smashed the enemy ships hull.
The Thrasher was destroyed within minutes, and while the capsule of the pilot ejected and escaped unharmed, Raphael deemed himself victorious. The military complex was defended, and only a handful of enemy ships remained in their holy grasp.
As the last remnants of the heathens were swiftly destroyed, Raphael praised his fellow brothers and sisters on their achievement and continued his issued patrol, further leading a squad of Praetorians even deeper into enemy territory in the Bleak Lands…

Ordo opened his eyes.
His consciousness slowly coming back to him. Memories regained from his combat clone slowly took their place within his head, as he sat up straight in the metallic chair. He praised these memories even more than usual, as they should have inherited all the lessons he gained during his last mission in his other body.
Although Ordo trusted the technology he was using, he couldn’t help but to think that some fragments of his thoughts, his humanity and his very being – were stripped away every time he used the “Jump Clone” technology by changing his conciousness to another clone of his.
“These memories wasn’t experienced by this body”, he said to himself in his head, while staring on his hands.

Ordo came back from his deep thoughts as a one of his service men called on him, telling him he had another encrypted holographic transmission coming through.
He made himself stand up from his chair and walked out of the cloning facility, heading back towards his inner chamber.


Jan 10 2014

Insight, natural energy and the Kalapas

Meditation by Goro79 on deviantART

Meditation by Goro79 on deviantART

 

I have satisfied an urge to become a monk. Although answers I sought has now been replaced by more questions.
Through short and intense training of the so called vipassanā meditation (vipassana meaning; insight into the true nature of reality) I now inhibit a new experience of introspection on mostly the physical level. I realized a very interesting phenomenon occuring in our human bodies, in an endless sort of ‘appearing and disappearing’ manner (destruction and creation?), in forms of energized tiny vibrations. My initial training in this technique resided around various buddhist teachings. More specifically, teachings that proclaimed itself being over 2500 years old, leading back to the time when Siddhartha Gautama, also known as the Buddha, re-discovered this technique (re-discovered, as they say. I wonder who, or what, discovered it before him).
I find myself, not disapproving their philosophy or theories, but a willingness inside me to broaden my perspective.

The ancient asian Qi principle has long been branded as mere “mythology” in modern times. I must say though, the thought of this “energy flow” is not so far away from my physical experience, thus my interest.

Qi flow through different meridians

While this can be a complete coincidence, I can imagine that the ancient people of asia that came up with this “theory” or “principle” of Qi, experienced something similiar as I have. How many other “energized”, “electric flows” through the body can we have?
If this is the case, and i’ve come across a physical sensation/stimuli that resembles the Qi, and in short, one of the inspirations of the so called The Force, featured in Star Wars… Then I’m even more satisfied.

In any case, an interesting thought around this is what this actually is – the feeling itself.
The possibility of it being a mere illusion is slim, very slim. Taking into account all the thousands of people that has ventured and done these courses in modern day society, and gotten the effect. Even on my course, I saw the most sceptical around at least getting these vibrations in his face.

The buddhist theory, which are a part of the vipassana teaching, is referring to that these vibrations and sensations are the late product of Kalapas. These kalapas can be described as the following:
“Kalapas (“particles of perception”), according to the Buddha, are the tiniest of particles which ultimately constitute mind and matter. Foreshadowing modern physics by two and a half millenia, they are said to arise and pass away trillions of times in the blink of an eye.”

While I haven’t found any real truth of this, one may take into account that modern science hasn’t really gotten that far in explaining the tiniest of particles just yet. Leaving this idea to be a mere theory of self-experience, as you are supposedly about to experience this as you reach nibbāna (nirvana), or the disintegration of the mind and body.

Nevertheless. Whatever these sensations, vibrations, indications and/or life force really is, the most important question may be; how does it really affect our daily lives and the way we think?
The buddhist philosophy talks of impurities that are getting abolished while practicising their method of observing these vibrations. There are several branches who practices to balance Qi, such as Qigong, but also Feng shui, certain martial arts.
Lastly, acupuncture, the use of needles to access different parts of the meridians and make Qi flow more easily in the body, has actually scientifically proven to be successful in treating various sicknesses and symptoms of pain.

I will meditate further, and dive into this sea of ‘awareness’.. That frankly doesn’t seem to have a straight answer to anything.


Dec 26 2013

I love you, you know..

So it is time again, I tell myself. Time to head towards the unknown, but still known, and venture to a place I often look away from.

You asked me if I’m ready.
I am scared, to be honest. In a good way.

I am ready to dive into my own mind. Find it. Examine it. Observe it… And dwell there for a bit.
And yes, my love!
I am ready to set this all aside, and lean my head onto your beautiful bottom, kiss it, pillow it and fall asleep – and travel to the world of dreams, where we instantly create our everlasting, lost, vicious castles in our paradise together. I will see you there.

Our illusion of a new year is coming. It’s inbound. People will celebrate it. You, however, will only keep loving.  The love without boundries.
No words can describe how much I look forward in seeing you next year. When all our illusions are broken once more.

 

 “With me, illusions are bound to be shattered. I am here to shatter all illusions. Yes, it will irritate you, it will annoy you – that’s my way of functioning and working. I will sabotage you from your very roots! Unless you are totally destroyed as a mind, there is no hope for you.”
Osho


Dec 4 2013

No November

The mind doesn’t simply pay attention right now.


Oct 22 2013

Half A Month +

I amuse myself with tears. Tears that brings about the dreaded apocalypse.
I can’t bare to ask myself if this what I really want. If this is my forthcoming legacy. If this is why I continue to breathe.

The truth may not even exist, as the thoughts are only fabrications of my neural network – working for, against, towards and beside my ideological ideas. So I’m searching for a solution. As always. Although for once I do not feel the need to escape the daily life and routines, but rather embrace it.

I see you. But sometimes I just fail to see myself. Or is it the other way around?

Anyhow… Change is as always, inevitable, but surely a crucial ingredient in the continuation of this. It’s my only safety to pull if things get out of hand.
At the same time, what is gained? Anxiousy? Boredom? Happiness?

 

Shit…


Sep 30 2013

Her Rite of Passage

“A rite of passage is a ritual event that marks a person’s transition from one status to another.” – wikipedia

The date resembles the anniversary of her birth. The idea of an anniversary is celebration. Celebration, in terms of celebrating the achievement of reaching a certain age? Or is just the comfort of tradition in celebrating the abstract phenomena to pass through time and mark them at certain points?

Either case, I abide and follow. Because for this writing human being; she is important.
You follow me in and after the twilight that comes with the darkness. You halter and open my eyes when I comply to the sufferings of life. You remain seated as the supreme ruler of my trancendent emotional realm; a Goddess to make love to, a Woman to scream at, a Girl to laugh and play with and a Mother to find protection within.
My own personal emotional rollercoaster, that I would want to ride each day of my life, with all my heart.

 

 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MAD SAMA by HamletMachine on dA

I will take you…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

… and make you scream.

 Happy Birthdayby `alexiuss on dA

Happy Birthday my Love


Sep 28 2013

stone in focus

I find myself… Have I found myself? Quite a peculiar way of putting it, if you ask me.

Anyway, I find myself in a position of vulnerability. A feeling of low self-esteem hits me as a stone in the face. A stone in focus.
Why, you ask. Because I do not believe in myself?
Why, I ask. Because I do think I believe in myself. At least an illusion of a self that I try to inhabit and portray.

Moment of now, I find myself surrounded by men in transparent uniforms. Uniforms which themselves silently speaks with an unclaimed authority and a household of knowledge and history. A history that I do not hesitate to admire to the very core of my being. History that I imagine I can never be a part of.And maybe that’s the thing about everything. When you can’t have it, you may want it even more.

So where is my contentment?
I can feel it as it ripples inside me, calling for my outmost attention. I can, and I will now feel content where I am and ultimately who or what I am. I’ve come this far. Walking beside the titans of my age and culture.

I came here, through You, my eternal curse of love. Through myself and through the ever on-going cosmos.

Let’s jump through the rabbit hole. Once more.


Sep 5 2013

Chasteness

chaste

adj. chast·er, chast·est

2. Morally pure in thought or conduct; decent and modest.
3. Pure or simple in design or style; austere.

[Middle English, from Old French, from Latin castus; see kes- in Indo-European roots.]

chaste’ly adv.
chaste’ness n.

The only thing you need to do is be here and now.

With that said, nothing can go wrong. Still, I feel no physical change. History has and is still being written continually.I often wonder why. Why, why and why…

So stop wondering, I say.
Stop being not here and now.
Start realizing.
And start breathing again.

It really is just that simple.

But remember,
Looks can be decieving.