Discipline through structure. Chinese body art, literally. My days are dominated by it.
Endless possibilities within my grasp. An oasis extracted from our dreams in the palm of my hand.

Yet, I do not take it. I cannot grasp it.The abstract essence of life never takes it’s eyes of me. There is no wonder I can not concentrate.

I just… lose it.

Shall I simply accept it?

Acceptance of what exactly? Acceptance of my own illusionary idea of self-reliance? Acceptance of my misjudged way of life? Acceptance that we are all one and there’s no such thing as death? I could laugh myself to death.

A lunatic’s laugh. Deliverance through madness. Insanity incarnate.
In the wake of an anger that I cannot control.
Oh, God, is this thine path?

In all the things that feels right, there is the source of wrongness. A thought of an outsider, the chosen one, the ugly duckling, the unique cell, the immortal cancer.

Given energy, it grows.
Giving it meaning, makes it last.

I find myself trembling in my own dellusions. A world where happiness can be found, where non really are. A place where I create my own wellbeing, despite anyone else’s effort or influence

A duality finds peace here. A mixture of feelings and choices. A positive and a negative magnate. The beauty and the beast. The rising, and the fallen. The ego and the nothingness.

Mask

Proceeding. Being the vending machine. Computing.

Liking. Suffering the drawback that comes within. Crying.

Focusing. Meditating with abyssal thoughts. Contemplating.

Eyeballing. Optical illusions within the pineal gland. Memorizing.

Mesmerizing. Starting a fire beside, within and beyond you. Freezing.

Stopping. Time dilation at it’s peak. Philosophize.

Controlling. Using Jedi mind tricks on dogs. Growing.

Moving. Swimming towards the deep surface. Dreaming.

Drinking. Justifying advanced speculations. Instagating.

Smiling. Hailing through the smokescreen. Believing.

Being. Transcending the human. Illusionized.

The rear falls down. The ground levels up. The tides draw back, as the one beneath hurls itself up the sky.

The roaming won’t stop. A scream combined maps the glory. The suffering will not end, if you don’t care.

The rain fills the cup. A sign of reverence. A message of selfish astronomy, opening the door to hell itself.

The sea serpents warcries echoes. An ocean floor is dried. Marching to the second heartbeat, with heads drawn back.

Defined, we march onwards towards the gaping maw of doom. Freed, one loose oneself within a second. Reckless, I celebrate the forever reclaimed.

Massacres. Death by deathcoat. Clearly signless. Pointlessness within comprehension.
The road to equilibrium, is there.

What is the force that drives us far from the comfort of the familiar and makes us take up challenges instead, even though we know that the glory of this world is only  transistory?
I believe this impulse is called the search for the meaning of life. Over many years of seeking a definitive answer to this question in books, art and science, and in both the dangerous and easy paths I have followed, I have found many answers.
I am convinced now that a definitive answer will never be given to us in this life, but that, at the last, at the moment when we stand once more before the Creator, we will understand each opportunity that was offered to us.

– Paulo Coelho

Is there a chaos that lingers within? An anger that is defined by humanity’s most eagered monstrosity? A self-proclaimed darkness that in the end makes us hunt ourselves?

Undoubtly, Yes.
But it’s mine! And I flourish in my illusion that I can control it, mold it to my will and lastly keep it caged when I don’t want it expressed. May it be a false hope of control. In that case I let it control me, as long as it gives more than it takes..

–

A new year celebration has been experienced. 2013 has begun it’s reign in the western civilization backed up by the current Gregorian calendar. Many eastern countries celebrate the year 2556 according to the Buddhist era. Islamic countries and muslims celebrate the year 1435 based on their prophet Muhammed. The jews celebrate the year 5773 in autumn, referring to the 7-day creation of the world.The list goes on…
What can be drawn from this is that we still like to insert tradition into our lives and create days, periods or whatever things in our lives that ends up being – special. It is somewhere important to us, having these celebrations spread across the year. The ancient Mayan civilization made no exception to that when they created their (“doomsday”) calendar.

Myself, I like to think that I do not put energy into days that has no astronomical meaning to the world. I have often pointed out my eagerness of not implimenting these various traditions (of all kinds) into my life. Somewhere, I feel positive that we can survive better without them. Like, for example, christmas eve – that has become something else than a celebration – more of the standing visualized obelisk that represent consumerism in everyway.
But as time and years go by, I may have to alter that idea a bit. At least, mold it a bit according to modern day life.
Humans still need their “special” days, holidays and celebration. In that we ultimately celebrate life and learn to appreciate things that are not in our everyday life. People make resolutions or promises, like on this new year, to alter their life in some positive way.
Even though these ideas and “promises” to oneself may never really become what you initially think. They create hope. And hope.. Is best defined in a good way by “The Architect” from the Matrix movie:

Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

The new year does give me ideas of significance and hope. Altough I do not cherish in having any expectations. Not on myself, not on anyone else. With that also comes the product of true love. Passion for what I do, and passion for the things I really care about.
Passion for the woman I truly love, and deep passion that I bless myself having for the new life that grows inside of her.

Hence, I welcome the new year and what it brings with it. A new moment in time.
Frikkin’ beautiful in every way.