Feb 16 2013

Absence of Order

I stand there and stare at people. People, that is of the same stardust that I am. They originate from the same decisive mating process in humans, as I do.

Even with this knowledge in my hand, I cannot percieve any resemblence between them and me.
Or maybe I am just like them? Crazy animals. Walking around in expensive shoes, photographing with devices they don’t even know how they work, laugh at things they so ignorant don’t even care about and most of them gives a rat damn about the very earth they are walking on. The only difference is that I, like many others, get the opportunity to observe the human animal through some sort of objective lens.

Once I notice this, I despite them, and in that process, I despite my very own self. I do not want to become like them. I don’t want that life.
So what the hell do I do?
I jack in. Become one of them once more, and don’t go where those previous thoughts grow.
I’m just a bit afraid  that they might take over when the time (time?) is right.

It’s all an illusion (my favourite word). A theater. A peacock play. And no one cares!?

Same goes with order. I try to see the order in things. I try to find order. But through all the mists that we build up, there is no symmetry. No universal order in what we do. I see only chaos incarnate.
Belief systems. Political games. Relationships. Military excercises. Cultural differences. Architecture. Hell, even in language itself..

Even in the tiniest most precious thing of us all – DNA – I can find an absence of order.
Altough in that case (or even in all cases), my knowledge and wisdom may be deeply flawed.

I know order exists. Math is the supposed proof of this, which can be found in nature all over our planet and the expanded universe..
What does that mean to us?

Feb 12 2013

Guarding Time

Time bending. Time teleporation. Time expanding. Time flowing. Time stopping.

At this moment, in time, there is a lot of suffering in the domain of time. “Time flies” as they say. But there is a lot of sayings about time, without anyone really knowing what time is.
I, for one, does not understand it. Nor do I think I will ever come to such understanding. What I do know is that I have to accept it.

Conventionally, time is divided into three distinct regions; the “past”, the “present”, and the “future”. Based on our categories and understandings in the same order; “memories”, “perception”, and “expectations”. That is our human way of describing time at this hour.
Still, I cannot discard the thought of it being an illusion of sorts. Several philosophers, including Anthipon and Parmenides, went further, maintaining that time, motion, and change were illusions. The buddhist also share this idea of thought. This thought spiral leads to a lot of paradoxes and may never hit the thinker with a clear and transparent answer though.

“Time is not an empirical concept. For neither co-existence nor succession would be perceived by us, if the representation of time did not exist as a foundation a priori. Without this presupposition we could not represent to ourselves that things exist together at one and the same time, or at different times, that is, contemporaneously, or in succession.”

Furthermore, I can see an end to my time as a soldier. A concept i’ve held onto. An ideal I still admire and salute to.
My current progress towards this end is less romantic than one would imagine. A royal guard. Castle guard. The King’s (or Emperor’s) personal guard. I will guard with honour and with my life. I create all these illusions to enhance my own moral. So, in truth, to remain sane, I do imagine myself being one of the following, with the following oath of course:
Royal Gurad Oath

Royal Gurad Oath

Imperial Royal Guard

Imperial Royal Guard – Emperor’s Chosen

Samurai Imperial Guard

Samurai Imperial Guard




Amarr Victor.

Feb 9 2013

Counter Strike

Back and forth.

Up and down.

Slow and fast.

Big and small.

Jin and yang.

Minor and major.

Happy and depressed.

Fire and ice.

Chaos and peace.

Rage and love.

Fat and thin.

Intelligent and dumb.

Ambitious and slack.


Balance within the unbalanced.