No longer do I stand in servitude under officers in green.
No longer may I find anxiety or inner turmoil in a uniform.
No longer do I stand ready to be trained to kill.

Relief. Contentment. Justification.

Traces will be there. Memories shared; brothers wrestling, guns firing, officers proclaiming the honor and complete perfection of a soldiers life. I will miss it while I thrive in its absence. I justify this to myself, even though I know, deep within my heart, that I have not yet fully cut the umbilical cord just yet. 

Nothing remains the same. I may call this a change of chapters, but the change is just a radical as it was a year ago, a month ago and yesterday.
Change is a ever happening phenomena, and we should embrace it. Even though I ought to cause us pain. Pain, in all its glory, should be embraced as a teacher.

May God give me strength to face the coming storm. May Buddha guide my path through the inevitable apocalypse. May You stand right next to me, when everything happens.

Jigsaws falling into place.

Remembrance.
Levitating in the aerie of power, lust and defiance.
Utilizing meditation.

Presence.
Here and now, the True People shows me the road to enlightenment.
Utilizing senses.

Visions.
With closed eyes, I see the beauty of transparent clarity.
Utilizing optics.

Love.
Her divinity sanctioned, his will incarnate.
Utilizing faith.

Life.
There is no starting or stopping – only doing.
Utilizing knowledge.

I’ve come to invest.

Invest is time. In money. In my life.

I do that inevitably and often; without manners, concentration or actual afterthought. It may hurt my body, but essentially rips apart my mind. The only real medication that can be done is to be there.

To be in that moment, one the ‘investment’ is about to take place. And what do I invest my time in? In a frickin’ video game? Or is it another virtual reality just as valid as this one?

What to I want to invest my time in? In my coming about family? In my work or studies? In my body? In my ideas and ideologic hopes? In a consumer product? In a new car or even a new house to “build something” upon.

Nevertheless, I put on my glasses, listens to BoC, and invest time to write this shit.

But then again, why not invest in everything at once? I guess the outcome of it helps us define ourselves in the abstract world that exists today – I ‘helps’ us. In the end, we can say either; “I’m a carpenter”, “I run a consumer company”, “I’m a musician”, “I just sit around meditating all day” or “I’m the super-volatile dangerous guild warleader of a W0W epic-nerd guild of doom”… So..

It’s all about the investments, right? Become invested. Be the investation. Make investments.

Boards of Canada – Reach for the Dead

Why do I find myself uncomfortable in the digital presence of my kindred?
Facebook, and any other social media that tries to create an image of ourselves, where we can represent who we are, is meaning so much for humans these days. At the same time, it creates a very special room inside us, for the demon of self-hatred. And through him, we are killing ourselves, inside out.

The lack of comfort reaches it’s peak when I can’t manage to understand or comprehend the notions or actual ideas of life, that people want to portray. This creates a vacant spot in my mind.
A place where no logic is allowed. A place where one can destroy them all. A place, a kingdom, where insanity, madness and craziness rules as a triumvirate.

Why did YOU let you guard down for this? Why do WE accept this sovereign with open arms? Why do I keep letting it happen?

By definition, and by initiative, I hereby renounce my heritage to mankind. As I’ve done, a trillion times before…

“One person’s craziness is another person’s reality.” 
― Tim Burton