Jan 15 2013


Proceeding. Being the vending machine. Computing.

Liking. Suffering the drawback that comes within. Crying.

Focusing. Meditating with abyssal thoughts. Contemplating.

Eyeballing. Optical illusions within the pineal gland. Memorizing.

Mesmerizing. Starting a fire beside, within and beyond you. Freezing.

Stopping. Time dilation at it’s peak. Philosophize.

Controlling. Using Jedi mind tricks on dogs. Growing.

Moving. Swimming towards the deep surface. Dreaming.

Drinking. Justifying advanced speculations. Instagating.

Smiling. Hailing through the smokescreen. Believing.

Being. Transcending the human. Illusionized.

Jan 8 2013


The rear falls down. The ground levels up. The tides draw back, as the one beneath hurls itself up the sky.

The roaming won’t stop. A scream combined maps the glory. The suffering will not end, if you don’t care.

The rain fills the cup. A sign of reverence. A message of selfish astronomy, opening the door to hell itself.

The sea serpents warcries echoes. An ocean floor is dried. Marching to the second heartbeat, with heads drawn back.

Defined, we march onwards towards the gaping maw of doom. Freed, one loose oneself within a second. Reckless, I celebrate the forever reclaimed.

Massacres. Death by deathcoat. Clearly signless. Pointlessness within comprehension.
The road to equilibrium, is there.

Dec 26 2012

The sky is the sky everywhere you go

“The sky is the same color wherever you go”

This is a Persian/Iranian proverb, meaning this is your destiny, or changing the location does not necessarily change the situation.
The Persian one is Be har koja ke ravi aseman hamin rang ast


I believe it’s true what they once said,  those old dead men from the Kingdom of Persia.
I want to believe it. Therefore it becomes my very reality. A reality that fills my everyday activities and even affect my choices. Like many other things we tend to acknowledge as “wisdom”, “clarity” or even “lifestyles”.

Celebration has just been and is approaching even more as our modern “new year” is getting closer..Christmas eve is now celebrated by more people than ever before on the planet. But instead of celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, 2012 years ago, we celebrate consumerism and it’s sub-cultures.
Not that I feel offended by it (Jesus should?), but I just get the nagging sentence in the back of my head – “But why?”…

Hours away from “home”, i’m now experiencing a different sort of heat around me. Animals scream and make noises at both day and night time, in the jungle around me. The night is filled with stars that can be gazed at without a nagging feeling of freezing. Life is abundant, and can be found in the water, in the greens and the sky or almost everywhere around you. It’s a constant “paradise” in western eyes. The land of the thai, never fails to impress as of yet.In some ways, it’s not that different from the war-torned country I left not so long ago. Although, this country has the privilage to have a fasad. A smoke screen that doesn’t let the viewers see what’s really going on. If you want to know, you have to become a smoke diver, get a hold of your fears and expectations, and just dive into the truth.

The truth.
The mystified word. A word of both good and bad intent. The truth is often depicted as the untold and horrifying essence in bad things, when the absence of hope is imminent. It is also the subject of the deepest of tranquilities, in good things.

Good or Bad things.
I find peace in knowing that we suffer because we let ourselves suffer. That it’s a mental thing, “easy” to overcome.
But not everyone on the planet shares this viewpoint of mine. Even if a lot of humans do, a majority doesn’t. Who’s to say who is right or wrong?

Right or wrong.
Now. Here we are. Expecting to get answers by reading headlines with roots in philosophy. A thirst for ever more wisdom with a goal that; one day, we might experience the fullness and perfection of life. Or am I wrong?
We are creatures that live and thrives in packs. Through packs comes organized groups (families?). Through groups comes culture. Through culture comes civilization. Through civilization comes philosophy, knowledge and… Human potential. Through all that, also comes prejudism, egoism, ownership and belongings. And that is worth “protecting”. Protecting from anything else, weither it be good or bad – right or wrong.

I like to think that I don’t belong anywhere. That I am open to the world as it is closed to me.
IN any case. I won’t be the one to give these answers to anyone. As many masters has already told – Those answers lies within us all. And I believe that to the fullest extent.

You are the master of your own. Make this life count.

Nov 30 2012

Protected: I See You

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Oct 31 2012

Last October

Time runs past us. Seven days ago, I sat in my town of birth, writing something abstract about love and it’s complications.

Now, I sit in my other town of birth. The place where I fell and was utterly destroyed. The place where I was carried ever onwards by brothers next to me and built up again.

Haha. It’s kind of funny how life becomes. In a moments notice, the world can turn around. What can feel like a second away, can be hours or maybe even weeks away and vice versa. I accept.

I’m on a dried up river
Beside a broke down levee
I’ve got nothing to give you
But a lonesome song

Just a little bit worn out
Just a little bit bitter
I gotta let my guard down
I gotta loosen my grip

And the ground is frozen
And the air is colder
But my heart is open
Beating out of time

Come and play in my sheets tonight?

I couldn’t care less cause i’m transfixed in this absolute bliss.


You wonder if i’m happy or not. Well. Look in the mirror.


Sep 13 2012

Alea Iacta Est

Fortune favours the brave, they say.
Am I brave enough to meet my own requirements and ideologies?

In that case I must take action.

And there we have it again – I’m having a lot of “wants” and telling myself to do something about my pity life. Change is a must and The goal must be accomplished in a certain amount of time..
And I’m not the only one. I allow myself to speak for a majority of the human race on this planet. Lazyness is within us all. It controls our lives now more than ever. Lazyness combined with old habits and the everlasting search for comfort, together they are the ingredients to 90% of our creations. Not to mention the reason why we continue to push our planet to it’s limits. We are our own worst enemy against ourselves.

It sickens me, really.
I cannot find peace in this. Peace can only be aquired from within. And my insides are burning. A raging white flame that’ll burn as long as I continue being a slave to myself. So… Why don’t I just break free?

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strenght,
through strength, I gain power,
through power, I gain victory,
through victory, my chains are broken.”

Because it’s still my choice, being here. My choices, subconscious or not, sums up to a whole bunch of matter that eventually looks like me. I watch myself in the mirror, give myself the grin of a homocidal maniac, whereafter I go out and stab someone in the heart and… Then I open up my eyes.

This is how it’s supposed to be. Life is pain and suffering. The Buddha made no other assumption. We are given a choice of how to cope with that suffering. Complains and self-pity may further infuse the thoughts of change, but will only do so for a certain amount. Discipline and willpower must be present with a touch of love.  Find the love.

Hello world.

I’m here and i’m ready when you are.

Jun 22 2012


I try my best. I push myself to the limit. My limit. At least that’s what I like to tell myself.

Sometimes I just… lose it. The feeling. The concentration. Life as a whole. I lose it. As I just lost it.

I clear it for a second. But almost instantly my mind fills up again with all sorts of stuff. Stuff that doesn’t really matter. Stuff that is of the yesterday, and stuff that resides in the future. Unable to concentrate on the task at hand. Have I always been like this? Will this be the cause of my ultimate fate? Fate as it is, shows me a path that I’ve been quite unaware of. A path that will take me to my dreams. The path won’t be easy and it won’t give me a easy time. I will not find peace here.. But on the other hand, my dreams never really gave me that impression. Peace comes afterwards I tell myself. The prize of immortality.

My limit must be broken, my old habits destroyed and the concentration of now must be amplified and achieved. I know I can do it. I also know that I really can mess it all up. But I will prevail myself. Otherwise it will all be for nothing.


“Never compromise. Not even in the face of Armageddon. That’s always been the difference between us…” 
Walter Kovacs

Jun 11 2012

Freedom isn’t Free

I am back now. My feet has met the earth and my fingers has touched people that I love once more. There is no more illusion about how life is suppose to be here. The only illusions still there are my own. In my mind. In my self-made prison.

I’m really trying.


Adaptation [ˌædəpˈteɪʃən ˌædæp-] n

  1. the act or process of adapting or the state of being adapted; adjustment
  2. something that is produced by adapting something else
  3. something that is changed or modified to suit new conditions or needs
  4. (Biology) Biology an inherited or acquired modification in organisms that makes them better suited to survive and reproduce in a particular environment
  5. (Physiology) Physiol the decreased response of a sense organ to a repeated or sustained stimulus
  6. (Psychology) Psychol (in learning theory) the weakening of a response to a stimulus with repeated presentation of the stimulus without reinforcement; applied mainly to innate responses
I don’t really know what the words are anymore. I can’t say them out loud.
My life has been brought to justice for a brief moment. I am my own lawyer and my own prosecutor. The Judge, on the other hand, is none other than my other self.
I struggle back and forth with words to keep a good picture of myself in the courtroom, trying to be the good guy. Although, in this room, there is no jury. No public minds to twist with words. There is only me.
I realize that I have to take (resume) control of this courthouse, even if it means becoming the bad guy for a brief moment. The house is mine and mine alone. I was the judge once and can be again.. And as I step up to the bench, I get a thundering feeling that sends itself like a lightning through my body. It was just the steps.. the mere will of control that was the difference between my previous weakness and my current power.
Sacrifices has been made in the history of time so that ideas and dreams can become a part of reality.


Without condoning or condemning,
I leave the roads of comfort, check my compass and start the journey..
True enough, this compass does not point north.”
“…Where does it point?”
“It points to the thing you want most in this world.