Feb 21 2017

Start New Game

Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.
– Charles Swindoll

I have higher tendencies to go angry at this moment in time. Especially when interacting with people. With or without people, the reaction is purely my own anyhow. I choose to react to all things coming at me and feed those emotions in certain situations where I feel uncomfortable, mostly because it is so easy and I get the illusion that it feels better. It doesn’t.
For good amount of time now, I have embraced emotions and feelings associated with negative energy. This, in order to tap into the power of change that lies within when we overcome these dreaded feelings. Now, I’m at a turning point. I do not need the despair to change things in my life.

The future depends on what you do today.
– Mahatma Gandhi

I am open now. Open to be vulnerable in order to to openly become invulnerable. Limited becomes limitless. Yin merges with Yang.
I’m still semi-searching for an easier way, knowing backstage of my mind that I will never find a short-cut worth the risk mostly because there are no such things when achieving greatness.

Everything that will happen, will happen today.

I want to believe.

Dec 31 2016

Operation Ragnarök

Brœðr muno beriaz
ok at bǫnom verða
muno systrungar
sifiom spilla.
Hart er í heimi,
hórdómr mikill
—vindǫld, vargǫld—
áðr verǫld steypiz.
Mun engi maðr
ǫðrom þyrma

Ibland får jag känslan av att saker jag nyligen läst om återkommer oftare och oftare därefter, nästan som om att “något” pekar en i den riktningen. Mer troligt är att vårat nyfunna intresse till något får oss att undermedvetet leta eller se dessa saker.

Har under de senaste åren uppmärksammat åtskilliga dokumentärer som bland annat upplyser oss om våran nedskräpning, uppvärmning och utfiskning av våran planet.

I somras skickade min far denna annorlunda, om än väldigt intressanta, artikel till mig:
War Is Coming
Tycker personligen att den onämnda skribenten av artikeln är “spot on” i många avseenden.

Därefter ramlade David Jonstads bok, Kollaps: Livet vid civilisationens slut, från 2012, ner på mitt bord i höstas.
För den som inte läst den rekommenderar jag den starkt. Han sammanfattning av historien och våran nuvarande sköra situation är helt klart en av de bästa hittills.

Då jag återkommande gånger nu tjänstgjort utomlands i u-länder samt gillar tanken av att vara en s.k. “prepper”, så uppmärksammar jag onekligen vissa av människans värsta sidor, och finner ett konstigt än dock djupt intresse i detta.
Speciellt i de länder vi ofta “glömmer” bort eller helt enkelt skiter i att räkna med när vi pratar om den “välfärd” som vi vill ska sprida sig över jordklotet utan större eftertanke på vilka resurser det verkligen skulle krävas…

Där säkras den faktiska, om än långsamma, undergången av den civilisation vi känner till idag.

> Hur kan den pågående välfärden, transhumanismen och (om vi nu hinner med) singulariteten möjligtvis lösa dessa problem?
> Finns det något annat sätt?

I mörkret ser jag en ljusglimt i samband med det nya året. En människas obevekliga tro på hopp. Om än är även denna väg färgad med mycket blod och död av den mänskliga populationen som vi envisas med att låta växa då barnadödlighet motverkas, kromosomfel accepteras fullt ut, alla ska ha sin egen avkomma och slutligen att all form av mänskligt liv förblir “heligt” i vårt starkt vinklade och instinktiva synsätt.
Alla ska med. We’re doomed.


Gott nytt år, bröder och systrar.

Dec 13 2014

two sides of the same coin

  • “All that we are arises with our thoughts. The mind is everything; With our thoughts we make the world / create our reality. If the mind is clear, what ever we do or say the mind will bring happiness that will follow you like your shadow.”

  • “All that we are arises with our thoughts. The mind is everything; With our thoughts we make the world / create our reality. If the mind is polluted, what ever we do or say leads to suffering which will follow you as a cart trails a horse.”


“chos rnams yid kyi rang bzhin te yid ni gtso zhing sngon la ‘gro”

Dec 11 2014

What about tomorrow?

Look at oneself in the mirror and dare to look back with all the heart.

Mesmerizing memories to a distant backpack.

Futile thoughts of control ends in laughter.

Winning the day when we actually care.

Look at thy self in the mirror and dare to measure your karma.

Dec 5 2014

Lucid nights and dreams abound






Aug 30 2014

Remaining equanimous



equanimous (comparative more equanimoussuperlative most equanimous)

– Of an even, composed frame of mind; of a steady temper;
not easily elated or depressed

  I am back.

Back at square one. But this is not the same square. It never is.
Everything is constantly changing. Arising, passing… Arising and then passing again. Rapidly. Very rapidly.

Sometimes, not so rapidly, but still the same fact – Arising, and then passing away after some time.

Why? Because that is the law of nature.
This is the Force.
This is Reality.
The only way to perceive this truth is to train our minds in equanimity. Remaining equanimous to everything.
Reaction is the disease. Observing is the cure. Action is the only way.

Where are you?
What time is it?
What are you?
Right this moment.

Aug 12 2014

Theoretical Ambition Manifested

A moment in time, mirrored by our previous experiences.
We exaggerate the chosen situation and make it special, nullifying all the other moments passing through our mind and presence at the same time.

I will let myself miss you. A lot.

Now, is the time to choose. Now, is the time to do it. Now, is the time to become my own personification of representation.

You: Renich i lú i erui govannem?
Me: Nauthannen i ned ôl reniannen.
You: Gwenwin in enninath…
You: Ú-‘arnech in naeth i si celich.
You: Renich i beth i pennen?

Jan 10 2014

Insight, natural energy and the Kalapas

Meditation by Goro79 on deviantART

Meditation by Goro79 on deviantART


I have satisfied an urge to become a monk. Although answers I sought has now been replaced by more questions.
Through short and intense training of the so called vipassanā meditation (vipassana meaning; insight into the true nature of reality) I now inhibit a new experience of introspection on mostly the physical level. I realized a very interesting phenomenon occuring in our human bodies, in an endless sort of ‘appearing and disappearing’ manner (destruction and creation?), in forms of energized tiny vibrations. My initial training in this technique resided around various buddhist teachings. More specifically, teachings that proclaimed itself being over 2500 years old, leading back to the time when Siddhartha Gautama, also known as the Buddha, re-discovered this technique (re-discovered, as they say. I wonder who, or what, discovered it before him).
I find myself, not disapproving their philosophy or theories, but a willingness inside me to broaden my perspective.

The ancient asian Qi principle has long been branded as mere “mythology” in modern times. I must say though, the thought of this “energy flow” is not so far away from my physical experience, thus my interest.

Qi flow through different meridians

While this can be a complete coincidence, I can imagine that the ancient people of asia that came up with this “theory” or “principle” of Qi, experienced something similiar as I have. How many other “energized”, “electric flows” through the body can we have?
If this is the case, and i’ve come across a physical sensation/stimuli that resembles the Qi, and in short, one of the inspirations of the so called The Force, featured in Star Wars… Then I’m even more satisfied.

In any case, an interesting thought around this is what this actually is – the feeling itself.
The possibility of it being a mere illusion is slim, very slim. Taking into account all the thousands of people that has ventured and done these courses in modern day society, and gotten the effect. Even on my course, I saw the most sceptical around at least getting these vibrations in his face.

The buddhist theory, which are a part of the vipassana teaching, is referring to that these vibrations and sensations are the late product of Kalapas. These kalapas can be described as the following:
“Kalapas (“particles of perception”), according to the Buddha, are the tiniest of particles which ultimately constitute mind and matter. Foreshadowing modern physics by two and a half millenia, they are said to arise and pass away trillions of times in the blink of an eye.”

While I haven’t found any real truth of this, one may take into account that modern science hasn’t really gotten that far in explaining the tiniest of particles just yet. Leaving this idea to be a mere theory of self-experience, as you are supposedly about to experience this as you reach nibbāna (nirvana), or the disintegration of the mind and body.

Nevertheless. Whatever these sensations, vibrations, indications and/or life force really is, the most important question may be; how does it really affect our daily lives and the way we think?
The buddhist philosophy talks of impurities that are getting abolished while practicising their method of observing these vibrations. There are several branches who practices to balance Qi, such as Qigong, but also Feng shui, certain martial arts.
Lastly, acupuncture, the use of needles to access different parts of the meridians and make Qi flow more easily in the body, has actually scientifically proven to be successful in treating various sicknesses and symptoms of pain.

I will meditate further, and dive into this sea of ‘awareness’.. That frankly doesn’t seem to have a straight answer to anything.