So it is time again, I tell myself. Time to head towards the unknown, but still known, and venture to a place I often look away from.

You asked me if I’m ready.
I am scared, to be honest. In a good way.

I am ready to dive into my own mind. Find it. Examine it. Observe it… And dwell there for a bit.
And yes, my love!
I am ready to set this all aside, and lean my head onto your beautiful bottom, kiss it, pillow it and fall asleep – and travel to the world of dreams, where we instantly create our everlasting, lost, vicious castles in our paradise together. I will see you there.

Our illusion of a new year is coming. It’s inbound. People will celebrate it. You, however, will only keep loving.  The love without boundries.
No words can describe how much I look forward in seeing you next year. When all our illusions are broken once more.

 “With me, illusions are bound to be shattered. I am here to shatter all illusions. Yes, it will irritate you, it will annoy you – that’s my way of functioning and working. I will sabotage you from your very roots! Unless you are totally destroyed as a mind, there is no hope for you.”
― Osho

I find myself… Have I found myself? Quite a peculiar way of putting it, if you ask me.

Anyway, I find myself in a position of vulnerability. A feeling of low self-esteem hits me as a stone in the face. A stone in focus.
Why, you ask. Because I do not believe in myself?
Why, I ask. Because I do think I believe in myself. At least an illusion of a self that I try to inhabit and portray.

Moment of now, I find myself surrounded by men in transparent uniforms. Uniforms which themselves silently speaks with an unclaimed authority and a household of knowledge and history. A history that I do not hesitate to admire to the very core of my being. History that I imagine I can never be a part of.And maybe that’s the thing about everything. When you can’t have it, you may want it even more.

So where is my contentment?
I can feel it as it ripples inside me, calling for my outmost attention. I can, and I will now feel content where I am and ultimately who or what I am. I’ve come this far. Walking beside the titans of my age and culture.

I came here, through You, my eternal curse of love. Through myself and through the ever on-going cosmos.
…
Let’s jump through the rabbit hole. Once more.

“If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever.”

 

• The first truth is that life is suffering i.e., life includes pain, getting old, disease, and ultimately death. We also endure psychological suffering like loneliness frustration, fear, embarrassment, disappointment and anger. This is an irrefutable fact that cannot be denied. It is realistic rather than pessimistic because pessimism is expecting things to be bad.
• The second truth is that suffering is caused by craving and aversion. We will suffer if we expect other people to conform to our expectation, if we want others to like us, if we do not get something we want,etc. In other words, getting what you want does not guarantee happiness. Rather than constantly struggling to get what you want, try to modify your wanting. Wanting deprives us of contentment and happiness.
• The third truth is that suffering can be overcome and happiness can be attained; that true happiness and contentment are possible. lf we give up useless craving and learn to live each day at a time (not dwelling in the past or the imagined future) then we can become happy and free.

 

“A warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does”

Quotes by Dan Millman

Three of the four noble truths by Buddha

Picture by Alex Grey

No longer do I stand in servitude under officers in green.
No longer may I find anxiety or inner turmoil in a uniform.
No longer do I stand ready to be trained to kill.

Relief. Contentment. Justification.

Traces will be there. Memories shared; brothers wrestling, guns firing, officers proclaiming the honor and complete perfection of a soldiers life. I will miss it while I thrive in its absence. I justify this to myself, even though I know, deep within my heart, that I have not yet fully cut the umbilical cord just yet. 

Nothing remains the same. I may call this a change of chapters, but the change is just a radical as it was a year ago, a month ago and yesterday.
Change is a ever happening phenomena, and we should embrace it. Even though I ought to cause us pain. Pain, in all its glory, should be embraced as a teacher.

May God give me strength to face the coming storm. May Buddha guide my path through the inevitable apocalypse. May You stand right next to me, when everything happens.

Jigsaws falling into place.

Remembrance.
Levitating in the aerie of power, lust and defiance.
Utilizing meditation.

Presence.
Here and now, the True People shows me the road to enlightenment.
Utilizing senses.

Visions.
With closed eyes, I see the beauty of transparent clarity.
Utilizing optics.

Love.
Her divinity sanctioned, his will incarnate.
Utilizing faith.

Life.
There is no starting or stopping – only doing.
Utilizing knowledge.

Life finds a way. Life shows us a way.

At least in my head, it did.
I just can’t help to think that this something that wants to show me “that way”, is the intelligent universe looking back, saying: “Be what you can be, if you want.”

For what cause? For a purpose?
Why do I even ask questions that are unanswerable?

Because it turns me on, I guess…

Sometimes life just hooks you up. Things gets into motion and people start talking. Heat builds up and counter the cold motionless peace.
While I welcome it,  I also love the tranquility of stillness.

“Life” will continue to show me the way, as it has been doing for a long time now. I realize what needs to be realized. Things that needs to be done. Things that needs to change. The constant change of the things we know. The continuum of birth, growth and eventually death. I would be naive to think that our death’s are lesser than the death of a star. We are the children of the stars. No more, no less.

For me, there isn’t two things any longer. There is one. One reality. One persona. One life. One, here and now.

Amen.

SPEECHLESS TALK. CAPTIAL TOWN. RODENT ROUGHTALKS AND BACKGAMMON LAUGHTER

“While there is no resemblence to idiocracy in the human condition, there is no evidence of the contrary.”

LIMITLESS PASSION. LOVELESS LINGUINES. A HOUSEMOUSE IN THE DARK. LEFTOVERS FOR THE MACHINE.

“Tinkering low-lives of truths and basic standings. Believing their posture to be right and faithful… Let them burn in ashes till kingdom come.”

STANFORD UNIVERSITY SINGS. LAWNMOVER IN THE HORIZON. RASPBERRY HEARTACHE. HIGH TIMES NEWSDATER.

“Roger that. Exterminate and deprive. Wipe them out. All of them.”

FASHION. ROBOT ROCKET. POKÉBALL HAIRDRYER. LINGERING PAIN OF UNUSED NOODLES.

“What did you say?”

MANICAL LOVERS. COUGH OF SINKNESS. SERENTIY THROUGH THE EYE OF THE MANIAC.

“I just thought we were off to save the world.”