Jan 15 2013


Proceeding. Being the vending machine. Computing.

Liking. Suffering the drawback that comes within. Crying.

Focusing. Meditating with abyssal thoughts. Contemplating.

Eyeballing. Optical illusions within the pineal gland. Memorizing.

Mesmerizing. Starting a fire beside, within and beyond you. Freezing.

Stopping. Time dilation at it’s peak. Philosophize.

Controlling. Using Jedi mind tricks on dogs. Growing.

Moving. Swimming towards the deep surface. Dreaming.

Drinking. Justifying advanced speculations. Instagating.

Smiling. Hailing through the smokescreen. Believing.

Being. Transcending the human. Illusionized.

Jan 8 2013


The rear falls down. The ground levels up. The tides draw back, as the one beneath hurls itself up the sky.

The roaming won’t stop. A scream combined maps the glory. The suffering will not end, if you don’t care.

The rain fills the cup. A sign of reverence. A message of selfish astronomy, opening the door to hell itself.

The sea serpents warcries echoes. An ocean floor is dried. Marching to the second heartbeat, with heads drawn back.

Defined, we march onwards towards the gaping maw of doom. Freed, one loose oneself within a second. Reckless, I celebrate the forever reclaimed.

Massacres. Death by deathcoat. Clearly signless. Pointlessness within comprehension.
The road to equilibrium, is there.

Jan 2 2013

The Second of The First

Is there a chaos that lingers within? An anger that is defined by humanity’s most eagered monstrosity? A self-proclaimed darkness that in the end makes us hunt ourselves?

Undoubtly, Yes.
But it’s mine! And I flourish in my illusion that I can control it, mold it to my will and lastly keep it caged when I don’t want it expressed. May it be a false hope of control. In that case I let it control me, as long as it gives more than it takes..

A new year celebration has been experienced. 2013 has begun it’s reign in the western civilization backed up by the current Gregorian calendar. Many eastern countries celebrate the year 2556 according to the Buddhist era. Islamic countries and muslims celebrate the year 1435 based on their prophet Muhammed. The jews celebrate the year 5773 in autumn, referring to the 7-day creation of the world.The list goes on…
What can be drawn from this is that we still like to insert tradition into our lives and create days, periods or whatever things in our lives that ends up being – special. It is somewhere important to us, having these celebrations spread across the year. The ancient Mayan civilization made no exception to that when they created their (“doomsday”) calendar.

Myself, I like to think that I do not put energy into days that has no astronomical meaning to the world. I have often pointed out my eagerness of not implimenting these various traditions (of all kinds) into my life. Somewhere, I feel positive that we can survive better without them. Like, for example, christmas eve – that has become something else than a celebration – more of the standing visualized obelisk that represent consumerism in everyway.
But as time and years go by, I may have to alter that idea a bit. At least, mold it a bit according to modern day life.
Humans still need their “special” days, holidays and celebration. In that we ultimately celebrate life and learn to appreciate things that are not in our everyday life. People make resolutions or promises, like on this new year, to alter their life in some positive way.
Even though these ideas and “promises” to oneself may never really become what you initially think. They create hope. And hope.. Is best defined in a good way by “The Architect” from the Matrix movie:

Hope, it is the quintessential human delusion, simultaneously the source of your greatest strength, and your greatest weakness.

The new year does give me ideas of significance and hope. Altough I do not cherish in having any expectations. Not on myself, not on anyone else. With that also comes the product of true love. Passion for what I do, and passion for the things I really care about.
Passion for the woman I truly love, and deep passion that I bless myself having for the new life that grows inside of her.

Hence, I welcome the new year and what it brings with it. A new moment in time.
Frikkin’ beautiful in every way.

Dec 26 2012

The sky is the sky everywhere you go

“The sky is the same color wherever you go”

This is a Persian/Iranian proverb, meaning this is your destiny, or changing the location does not necessarily change the situation.
The Persian one is Be har koja ke ravi aseman hamin rang ast


I believe it’s true what they once said,  those old dead men from the Kingdom of Persia.
I want to believe it. Therefore it becomes my very reality. A reality that fills my everyday activities and even affect my choices. Like many other things we tend to acknowledge as “wisdom”, “clarity” or even “lifestyles”.

Celebration has just been and is approaching even more as our modern “new year” is getting closer..Christmas eve is now celebrated by more people than ever before on the planet. But instead of celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, 2012 years ago, we celebrate consumerism and it’s sub-cultures.
Not that I feel offended by it (Jesus should?), but I just get the nagging sentence in the back of my head – “But why?”…

Hours away from “home”, i’m now experiencing a different sort of heat around me. Animals scream and make noises at both day and night time, in the jungle around me. The night is filled with stars that can be gazed at without a nagging feeling of freezing. Life is abundant, and can be found in the water, in the greens and the sky or almost everywhere around you. It’s a constant “paradise” in western eyes. The land of the thai, never fails to impress as of yet.In some ways, it’s not that different from the war-torned country I left not so long ago. Although, this country has the privilage to have a fasad. A smoke screen that doesn’t let the viewers see what’s really going on. If you want to know, you have to become a smoke diver, get a hold of your fears and expectations, and just dive into the truth.

The truth.
The mystified word. A word of both good and bad intent. The truth is often depicted as the untold and horrifying essence in bad things, when the absence of hope is imminent. It is also the subject of the deepest of tranquilities, in good things.

Good or Bad things.
I find peace in knowing that we suffer because we let ourselves suffer. That it’s a mental thing, “easy” to overcome.
But not everyone on the planet shares this viewpoint of mine. Even if a lot of humans do, a majority doesn’t. Who’s to say who is right or wrong?

Right or wrong.
Now. Here we are. Expecting to get answers by reading headlines with roots in philosophy. A thirst for ever more wisdom with a goal that; one day, we might experience the fullness and perfection of life. Or am I wrong?
We are creatures that live and thrives in packs. Through packs comes organized groups (families?). Through groups comes culture. Through culture comes civilization. Through civilization comes philosophy, knowledge and… Human potential. Through all that, also comes prejudism, egoism, ownership and belongings. And that is worth “protecting”. Protecting from anything else, weither it be good or bad – right or wrong.

I like to think that I don’t belong anywhere. That I am open to the world as it is closed to me.
IN any case. I won’t be the one to give these answers to anyone. As many masters has already told – Those answers lies within us all. And I believe that to the fullest extent.

You are the master of your own. Make this life count.

Nov 30 2012

Protected: I See You

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Nov 4 2012

Music & Poetry aligned

Home, by Blackmill

‘We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.’

– Professor Keating, from Dead Poet’s Society

Oct 23 2012

What do you feel?

Here I am. Naked before you. And I remember everything.



Humanity may never have overused, overexpressed, overfelt and overdetermined another word in our existance. The word means nothing alone. But put two humans that like one another beside eachother and skadoosh! – you’ve got a endocrinical and neurological inferno within, AKA an emotional response. Few other things has been dug into that deep in the history of man. Our relentless capacity to always manage to “fall in love” in other people.. Where does it come from?

Wikipedia gives me no such answers but more questions. The vast internet pool of knowledge contains nothing that would direct me to a source of reliable wisdom. The only thing that caught my mind was, an I quote:

“It would be very difficult to explain love to a hypothetical person who had not himself or herself experienced love or being loved. In fact, to such a person love would appear to be quite strange if not outright irrational behavior.”

Have I loved in this manner? “Yes”, I want to scream. Irrational behaviour, strangeness and unprecedented choices that sets a course of actions that ultimately leads to pure bliss. It was all a part of it. Almost like any drug abuse out there. The parable has been used before.. In any case (a sentence I’ve noticed I tend to overuse), whatever I may say or contemplate about love, it won’t change the fact on how it has affected me. Even though I revel in the thought of being a monk in a faraway land somewhere high up the mountains… It doesn’t change who and what I created within myself. After you.

I have an illusion that through PTSD and other unexplainable reasons; I don’t feel anymore. Nothing feels the same. Not even hugging the one I once loved. I reckon that it’s an illusion. Because in few caring moments somedays, I still feel like the vulnerable young man I once was. It hints me in regular life. Haunts me when I dream. And remains a solid part of my flesh.

Still. Mostly I do not feel right now. Not even you. I do find myself within that, and carry on with my low-life. But then again, even that could be an illusion in itself.


What I do know is – If God would let me – I would love you, until world’s end.



Sep 25 2012

Tribute to Buddha, Grey & Millman

“If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever.”

  • The first truth is that life is suffering i.e., life includes pain, getting old, disease, and ultimately death. We also endure psychological suffering like loneliness frustration, fear, embarrassment, disappointment and anger. This is an irrefutable fact that cannot be denied. It is realistic rather than pessimistic because pessimism is expecting things to be bad.
  • The second truth is that suffering is caused by craving and aversion. We will suffer if we expect other people to conform to our expectation, if we want others to like us, if we do not get something we want,etc. In other words, getting what you want does not guarantee happiness. Rather than constantly struggling to get what you want, try to modify your wanting. Wanting deprives us of contentment and happiness.
  • The third truth is that suffering can be overcome and happiness can be attained; that true happiness and contentment are possible. lf we give up useless craving and learn to live each day at a time (not dwelling in the past or the imagined future) then we can become happy and free.


“A warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does”


Quoted from Dan Millman

Three of the four noble truths by Buddha

Picture from Alex Grey