Boards of Canada – Reach for the Dead

Home, by Blackmill

‘We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.’

– Professor Keating, from Dead Poet’s Society

Time runs past us. Seven days ago, I sat in my town of birth, writing something abstract about love and it’s complications.

Now, I sit in my other town of birth. The place where I fell and was utterly destroyed. The place where I was carried ever onwards by brothers next to me and built up again.

Haha. It’s kind of funny how life becomes. In a moments notice, the world can turn around. What can feel like a second away, can be hours or maybe even weeks away and vice versa. I accept.

I’m on a dried up river
Beside a broke down levee
I’ve got nothing to give you
But a lonesome song

Just a little bit worn out
Just a little bit bitter
I gotta let my guard down
I gotta loosen my grip

And the ground is frozen
And the air is colder
But my heart is open
Beating out of time

Come and play in my sheets tonight?

I couldn’t care less cause i’m transfixed in this absolute bliss.

You wonder if i’m happy or not. Well. Look in the mirror.

Music is philosophy.

Music can really turn the tide of your emotional state of mind. If your sad, you can augment that feeling with any song that otherwise really touches your depressed side. The other way around, you may just put on ‘Hakuna Matata’ with Timon and Pumba from the Lion King and everything might feel quite good again. For me; It doesn’t really matter what mood I’m in post-listening. When the music starts and changes… My emotions starts to dance.

• Listening to melancholic music:

I woke up in the middle of the night, wet to the bones. The dream, affected by my body’s hightened temperature, was terrifying into the end. Betrayal, voices whispering, man-made cravings.. Destruction. Like emotional memories, it comes back to me.
I saw this coming. I share your dreams. How is it that we are intertwined but still so far apart from eachother?.. Or is it me? My dellusional selfishness that stands in the way – blocking the path like a proud and vicious lion. He gives promises of new perspectives of life and the glory that comes with it. He never mentioned you.
When he takes control, I can’t do anything but lean back and watch as my life unfolds infront of me in perculure ways.

• Listening to relaxed & meditative music:

In an instant, fear or anger is flushed out as contentment fills the cup of emotions. I no longer dwell in a realm of uncertainties and mixed emotions. I am one and I am in control of every choice I would choose to execute with absolute devotion.
Only one thing remains the same – I am one, but I am alone. Alone to ponder the questions the universe throws at the gates of my kingdom. Alone to fight against the dragons I so much admire and respect. Alone to face my true self. Alone with you.

• Listening to cosy & loving music:

One second passes and my mind gets filled with memories, feelings and smiles. An familiar warmth sneaks into my chest as I recall endless breakfast feasts and playful hide n´seek between sheets. I no longer linger in limbo. Feelings cloud my judgement but I don’t really care anymore. The only thing that I need is your loving smile, a confirmation that everything is as good as it can be. This is our world. Our time.
I picture myself as one of the most beautiful things – A loving father. Beside You. Nothing else matters. I put you and your needs before myself and nothing can hurt me. Because I love you, unconditionally, now and forever.

The might and power of feelings combined with music. A tool that people’s been using for ages in motivation for training, ceremonies, rituals and just for the fun of it. I can start my adrenaline with it, tears can be aquired and every sort of music is in the end, really f***** good. It’s quite magical if you give it a second thought. It also tells us how voulnerable we are to outer forces. How easy our minds and emotions are twisted and turned.

Dangerously lovely. A toast to music!

It is getting closer. Closer by every second counting. Can you feel it?

My brain starts sending me visions –  Taking over my optical nerves, memory and our neverending source of thoughts deliver me pictures of how wonderful it will be to embrace her again. How wonderful it will be to actually don’t have to do anything on a particular day. How wonderful it is to just be and become.

Even though it’s a short trip to the heart of the north on the paper, it will be worthwhile and remembered. I set out to make it beautiful and peaceful combined, while I satisfy my desires and continue living life as it should be lived. Still, I have no big expectations. The doors are all open, i’m ready to just pick one and step inside, thus giving my full attention to the room that delves within. Apart from what i’ve already written and not written on this site of confession, this journey has been giving a lot of knowledge to this day, and I expect it will continue to do so as I come back to this land of “terror” and “beauty”. Two books have been consumed over time. One, that satisfied the old Star Wars nerd deep inside of me. Another that handles the story about the great Genghis Khan and his initial rise to power. A truly inspirational human being to say at least.

What have I longed for? Except for the desire to hold my woman once more and express the feelings that come with it.. I’m quite satisfied. I can always lean back to the fact that I most certainly will experience everything else again, one day. As long as I choose to. In any case, the journey isn’t really over yet (it never is?). I can find myself down here in visions of the near future. Clinging back to memories of my distant home and working my way towards new expriences… As always.  Back to the now, let’s relax in the thought that everything will be alright once more.

I’ve had a song in my iPod for as long as I can remember. It really capture the feeling I experience from time to time. I’ve been listening to in by bed before the dreams takes their place in my mind’s control room.  It’s a beautiful short piece from the movie King Arthur. All credits should go to the great composer Hans Zimmer, and for all his previous works. There is also another girl on the tube that should have credits for singing a beautiful cover on the full lenght of this song.

Song of the Exile 

 Land of bear and land of eagle
Land that gave us birth and blessing
Land that called us ever homewards
We will go home across the mountains

I thought of you this morning