Jun 30 2013

Neverending Chapter of Change

No longer do I stand in servitude under officers in green.
No longer may I find anxiety or inner turmoil in a uniform.
No longer do I stand ready to be trained to kill.

Relief. Contentment. Justification.

Traces will be there. Memories shared; brothers wrestling, guns firing, officers proclaiming the honor and complete perfection of a soldiers life. I will miss it while I thrive in its absence. I justify this to myself, even though I know, deep within my heart, that I have not yet fully cut the umbilical cord just yet. 

Nothing remains the same. I may call this a change of chapters, but the change is just a radical as it was a year ago, a month ago and yesterday.
Change is a ever happening phenomena, and we should embrace it. Even though I ought to cause us pain. Pain, in all its glory, should be embraced as a teacher.

May God give me strength to face the coming storm. May Buddha guide my path through the inevitable apocalypse. May You stand right next to me, when everything happens.

Jun 17 2013



I’ve come to invest.

Invest is time. In money. In my life.

I do that inevitably and often; without manners, concentration or actual afterthought. It may hurt my body, but essentially rips apart my mind. The only real medication that can be done is to be there.


To be in that moment, one the ‘investment’ is about to take place. And what do I invest my time in? In a frickin’ video game? Or is it another virtual reality just as valid as this one?

What to I want to invest my time in? In my coming about family? In my work or studies? In my body? In my ideas and ideologic hopes? In a consumer product? In a new car or even a new house to “build something” upon.


Nevertheless, I put on my glasses, listens to BoC, and invest time to write this shit.

But then again, why not invest in everything at once? I guess the outcome of it helps us define ourselves in the abstract world that exists today – I ‘helps’ us. In the end, we can say either; “I’m a carpenter”, “I run a consumer company”, “I’m a musician”, “I just sit around meditating all day” or “I’m the super-volatile dangerous guild warleader of a W0W epic-nerd guild of doom”… So..

It’s all about the investments, right? Become invested. Be the investation. Make investments.

May 23 2013

If you want to..

Life finds a way. Life shows us a way.

At least in my head, it did.
I just can’t help to think that this something that wants to show me “that way”, is the intelligent universe looking back, saying: “Be what you can be, if you want.

For what cause? For a purpose?
Why do I even ask questions that are unanswerable?

Because it turns me on, I guess…

Feb 12 2013

Guarding Time

Time bending. Time teleporation. Time expanding. Time flowing. Time stopping.

At this moment, in time, there is a lot of suffering in the domain of time. “Time flies” as they say. But there is a lot of sayings about time, without anyone really knowing what time is.
I, for one, does not understand it. Nor do I think I will ever come to such understanding. What I do know is that I have to accept it.

Conventionally, time is divided into three distinct regions; the “past”, the “present”, and the “future”. Based on our categories and understandings in the same order; “memories”, “perception”, and “expectations”. That is our human way of describing time at this hour.
Still, I cannot discard the thought of it being an illusion of sorts. Several philosophers, including Anthipon and Parmenides, went further, maintaining that time, motion, and change were illusions. The buddhist also share this idea of thought. This thought spiral leads to a lot of paradoxes and may never hit the thinker with a clear and transparent answer though.

“Time is not an empirical concept. For neither co-existence nor succession would be perceived by us, if the representation of time did not exist as a foundation a priori. Without this presupposition we could not represent to ourselves that things exist together at one and the same time, or at different times, that is, contemporaneously, or in succession.”

Furthermore, I can see an end to my time as a soldier. A concept i’ve held onto. An ideal I still admire and salute to.
My current progress towards this end is less romantic than one would imagine. A royal guard. Castle guard. The King’s (or Emperor’s) personal guard. I will guard with honour and with my life. I create all these illusions to enhance my own moral. So, in truth, to remain sane, I do imagine myself being one of the following, with the following oath of course:
Royal Gurad Oath

Royal Gurad Oath

Imperial Royal Guard

Imperial Royal Guard – Emperor’s Chosen

Samurai Imperial Guard

Samurai Imperial Guard




Amarr Victor.

Jan 29 2013


  1. The action of being rescued or set free: “prayers for deliverance”.
  2. A formal or authoritative utterance.
release – rescue – liberation – riddance – relief


Discipline through structure. Chinese body art, literally. My days are dominated by it.
Endless possibilities within my grasp. An oasis extracted from our dreams in the palm of my hand.

Yet, I do not take it. I cannot grasp it.The abstract essence of life never takes it’s eyes of me. There is no wonder I can not concentrate.

I just… lose it.

Shall I simply accept it?

Acceptance of what exactly? Acceptance of my own illusionary idea of self-reliance? Acceptance of my misjudged way of life? Acceptance that we are all one and there’s no such thing as death? I could laugh myself to death.

A lunatic’s laugh. Deliverance through madness. Insanity incarnate.
In the wake of an anger that I cannot control.
Oh, God, is this thine path?

Jan 22 2013


In all the things that feels right, there is the source of wrongness. A thought of an outsider, the chosen one, the ugly duckling, the unique cell, the immortal cancer.

Given energy, it grows.
Giving it meaning, makes it last.

I find myself trembling in my own dellusions. A world where happiness can be found, where non really are. A place where I create my own wellbeing, despite anyone else’s effort or influence

A duality finds peace here. A mixture of feelings and choices. A positive and a negative magnate. The beauty and the beast. The rising, and the fallen. The ego and the nothingness.



Dec 26 2012

The sky is the sky everywhere you go

“The sky is the same color wherever you go”

This is a Persian/Iranian proverb, meaning this is your destiny, or changing the location does not necessarily change the situation.
The Persian one is Be har koja ke ravi aseman hamin rang ast


I believe it’s true what they once said,  those old dead men from the Kingdom of Persia.
I want to believe it. Therefore it becomes my very reality. A reality that fills my everyday activities and even affect my choices. Like many other things we tend to acknowledge as “wisdom”, “clarity” or even “lifestyles”.

Celebration has just been and is approaching even more as our modern “new year” is getting closer..Christmas eve is now celebrated by more people than ever before on the planet. But instead of celebrating the birth of Jesus Christ, 2012 years ago, we celebrate consumerism and it’s sub-cultures.
Not that I feel offended by it (Jesus should?), but I just get the nagging sentence in the back of my head – “But why?”…

Hours away from “home”, i’m now experiencing a different sort of heat around me. Animals scream and make noises at both day and night time, in the jungle around me. The night is filled with stars that can be gazed at without a nagging feeling of freezing. Life is abundant, and can be found in the water, in the greens and the sky or almost everywhere around you. It’s a constant “paradise” in western eyes. The land of the thai, never fails to impress as of yet.In some ways, it’s not that different from the war-torned country I left not so long ago. Although, this country has the privilage to have a fasad. A smoke screen that doesn’t let the viewers see what’s really going on. If you want to know, you have to become a smoke diver, get a hold of your fears and expectations, and just dive into the truth.

The truth.
The mystified word. A word of both good and bad intent. The truth is often depicted as the untold and horrifying essence in bad things, when the absence of hope is imminent. It is also the subject of the deepest of tranquilities, in good things.

Good or Bad things.
I find peace in knowing that we suffer because we let ourselves suffer. That it’s a mental thing, “easy” to overcome.
But not everyone on the planet shares this viewpoint of mine. Even if a lot of humans do, a majority doesn’t. Who’s to say who is right or wrong?

Right or wrong.
Now. Here we are. Expecting to get answers by reading headlines with roots in philosophy. A thirst for ever more wisdom with a goal that; one day, we might experience the fullness and perfection of life. Or am I wrong?
We are creatures that live and thrives in packs. Through packs comes organized groups (families?). Through groups comes culture. Through culture comes civilization. Through civilization comes philosophy, knowledge and… Human potential. Through all that, also comes prejudism, egoism, ownership and belongings. And that is worth “protecting”. Protecting from anything else, weither it be good or bad – right or wrong.

I like to think that I don’t belong anywhere. That I am open to the world as it is closed to me.
IN any case. I won’t be the one to give these answers to anyone. As many masters has already told – Those answers lies within us all. And I believe that to the fullest extent.

You are the master of your own. Make this life count.

Nov 30 2012

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