Sep 25 2012

Tribute to Buddha, Grey & Millman

“If you don’t get what you want, you suffer; if you get what you don’t want, you suffer; even when you get exactly what you want, you still suffer because you can’t hold on to it forever.”

  • The first truth is that life is suffering i.e., life includes pain, getting old, disease, and ultimately death. We also endure psychological suffering like loneliness frustration, fear, embarrassment, disappointment and anger. This is an irrefutable fact that cannot be denied. It is realistic rather than pessimistic because pessimism is expecting things to be bad.
  • The second truth is that suffering is caused by craving and aversion. We will suffer if we expect other people to conform to our expectation, if we want others to like us, if we do not get something we want,etc. In other words, getting what you want does not guarantee happiness. Rather than constantly struggling to get what you want, try to modify your wanting. Wanting deprives us of contentment and happiness.
  • The third truth is that suffering can be overcome and happiness can be attained; that true happiness and contentment are possible. lf we give up useless craving and learn to live each day at a time (not dwelling in the past or the imagined future) then we can become happy and free.


“A warrior does not give up what he loves, he finds the love in what he does”


Quoted from Dan Millman

Three of the four noble truths by Buddha

Picture from Alex Grey

Sep 13 2012

Alea Iacta Est

Fortune favours the brave, they say.
Am I brave enough to meet my own requirements and ideologies?

In that case I must take action.

And there we have it again – I’m having a lot of “wants” and telling myself to do something about my pity life. Change is a must and The goal must be accomplished in a certain amount of time..
And I’m not the only one. I allow myself to speak for a majority of the human race on this planet. Lazyness is within us all. It controls our lives now more than ever. Lazyness combined with old habits and the everlasting search for comfort, together they are the ingredients to 90% of our creations. Not to mention the reason why we continue to push our planet to it’s limits. We are our own worst enemy against ourselves.

It sickens me, really.
I cannot find peace in this. Peace can only be aquired from within. And my insides are burning. A raging white flame that’ll burn as long as I continue being a slave to myself. So… Why don’t I just break free?

“Peace is a lie, there is only passion.
Through passion, I gain strenght,
through strength, I gain power,
through power, I gain victory,
through victory, my chains are broken.”

Because it’s still my choice, being here. My choices, subconscious or not, sums up to a whole bunch of matter that eventually looks like me. I watch myself in the mirror, give myself the grin of a homocidal maniac, whereafter I go out and stab someone in the heart and… Then I open up my eyes.

This is how it’s supposed to be. Life is pain and suffering. The Buddha made no other assumption. We are given a choice of how to cope with that suffering. Complains and self-pity may further infuse the thoughts of change, but will only do so for a certain amount. Discipline and willpower must be present with a touch of love.  Find the love.

Hello world.

I’m here and i’m ready when you are.

Aug 16 2012

I Want To Believe

Home is where the heart is, they say.

So where is my heart? Where is yours?

I have a clear memory when I was about nine years old. Me and my brother were inside his room in our family house out in the country. We were listening to music while building LEGO, and we could do just that for hours to come. Wordly problems were of no interest to me at the time. I corrected my glasses, picked up the toys and let my imagination totally dominate my mind. And even those moments when we or even just by myself, were playing video games in our “gaming room” is ultimately sacred to me in some way. I remember thinking of what I was to become when I became an adult. Always pondering if I could be one of those imaginable soldiers in the videogames or just and adventurer in the jungle. I even wanted to be an astronaut once before mathematics turned out to be one of my weak sides. Eventually I wanted to become an successful actor. In some ways, I’ve already achieved that goal.. In any case, I wanted to look back and not regretting anything and being proud of my choices.

Nowadays, I still do just that. Maybe in a different way than before, but still..

I still ponder the future. I still experience the childhood solace I once had nowadays when spending time with my family. I still look up to my parents and their (in my perspective) successful life, wondering if I ever am going to be in that position. I still let my imagination run amok while life passes by in front of my eyes. And it’s O.K.

Me and my family was immortal back then. And in some ways I reckon we still are.


Another memory stuck in my mind is one that I had in my brothers old apartment. We both sat there, one summer evening in the capital. The window was open and philosophy was filling the room. We talked a bit of the future, mentioned girls and how weird they can make you feel and think. In the end, I remember him saying: “I think we’re bound to something big”…

To this day, I’d like to I think we all are. As long as you still believe.

Aug 8 2012

“Why do we fall, sir?

So that we might better learn to pick ourselves up.”

Alfred Pennyworth

Jul 11 2012

“The image of myself which I try to create in my own mind in order that I may love myself is very different from the image which I try to create in the minds of others in order that they may love me.”

  —  Wystan Hugh Auden

Jun 11 2012

Freedom isn’t Free

I am back now. My feet has met the earth and my fingers has touched people that I love once more. There is no more illusion about how life is suppose to be here. The only illusions still there are my own. In my mind. In my self-made prison.

I’m really trying.


Adaptation [ˌædəpˈteɪʃən ˌædæp-] n

  1. the act or process of adapting or the state of being adapted; adjustment
  2. something that is produced by adapting something else
  3. something that is changed or modified to suit new conditions or needs
  4. (Biology) Biology an inherited or acquired modification in organisms that makes them better suited to survive and reproduce in a particular environment
  5. (Physiology) Physiol the decreased response of a sense organ to a repeated or sustained stimulus
  6. (Psychology) Psychol (in learning theory) the weakening of a response to a stimulus with repeated presentation of the stimulus without reinforcement; applied mainly to innate responses
I don’t really know what the words are anymore. I can’t say them out loud.
My life has been brought to justice for a brief moment. I am my own lawyer and my own prosecutor. The Judge, on the other hand, is none other than my other self.
I struggle back and forth with words to keep a good picture of myself in the courtroom, trying to be the good guy. Although, in this room, there is no jury. No public minds to twist with words. There is only me.
I realize that I have to take (resume) control of this courthouse, even if it means becoming the bad guy for a brief moment. The house is mine and mine alone. I was the judge once and can be again.. And as I step up to the bench, I get a thundering feeling that sends itself like a lightning through my body. It was just the steps.. the mere will of control that was the difference between my previous weakness and my current power.
Sacrifices has been made in the history of time so that ideas and dreams can become a part of reality.


Without condoning or condemning,
I leave the roads of comfort, check my compass and start the journey..
True enough, this compass does not point north.”
“…Where does it point?”
“It points to the thing you want most in this world.

May 16 2012

Music Has the Right to Children

Music is philosophy.

Music can really turn the tide of your emotional state of mind. If your sad, you can augment that feeling with any song that otherwise really touches your depressed side. The other way around, you may just put on ‘Hakuna Matata’ with Timon and Pumba from the Lion King and everything might feel quite good again. For me; It doesn’t really matter what mood I’m in post-listening. When the music starts and changes… My emotions starts to dance.

• Listening to melancholic music:

I woke up in the middle of the night, wet to the bones. The dream, affected by my body’s hightened temperature, was terrifying into the end. Betrayal, voices whispering, man-made cravings.. Destruction. Like emotional memories, it comes back to me.
I saw this coming. I share your dreams. How is it that we are intertwined but still so far apart from eachother?.. Or is it me? My dellusional selfishness that stands in the way – blocking the path like a proud and vicious lion. He gives promises of new perspectives of life and the glory that comes with it. He never mentioned you.
When he takes control, I can’t do anything but lean back and watch as my life unfolds infront of me in perculure ways.

• Listening to relaxed & meditative music:

In an instant, fear or anger is flushed out as contentment fills the cup of emotions. I no longer dwell in a realm of uncertainties and mixed emotions. I am one and I am in control of every choice I would choose to execute with absolute devotion.
Only one thing remains the same – I am one, but I am alone. Alone to ponder the questions the universe throws at the gates of my kingdom. Alone to fight against the dragons I so much admire and respect. Alone to face my true self. Alone with you.

• Listening to cosy & loving music:

One second passes and my mind gets filled with memories, feelings and smiles. An familiar warmth sneaks into my chest as I recall endless breakfast feasts and playful hide n´seek between sheets. I no longer linger in limbo. Feelings cloud my judgement but I don’t really care anymore. The only thing that I need is your loving smile, a confirmation that everything is as good as it can be. This is our world. Our time.
I picture myself as one of the most beautiful things – A loving father. Beside You. Nothing else matters. I put you and your needs before myself and nothing can hurt me. Because I love you, unconditionally, now and forever.


The might and power of feelings combined with music. A tool that people’s been using for ages in motivation for training, ceremonies, rituals and just for the fun of it. I can start my adrenaline with it, tears can be aquired and every sort of music is in the end, really f***** good. It’s quite magical if you give it a second thought. It also tells us how voulnerable we are to outer forces. How easy our minds and emotions are twisted and turned.

Dangerously lovely. A toast to music!

Apr 28 2012


Zippin’ on chamomile tea.. Contemplating life.

My shift starts within the hour and stretches itself through the whole dark night. I’ll go to sleep when the stars decides to vanish in favour of the next day. I’ve always liked the feeling of working on the night. Well, as long as you keep the all the senses active, it can really be a thrill. It always brings me back to night dives in my early diving career. Or scenes under the green nightsky, where the stars doubles in numbers, in the far beginning of my green service. Everyone of them is, in the end, romanticized and partially made up to glorify and activate some illuminate feeling of awesomeness in my life. Even though they’re all grounded and created through empiricism, they tend to maximize and gloat themselves in my mind – just to ensure myself i’m still on the way to some sort of self-made utopia.

I feel twitched. Or twisted maybe. Or maybe it’s just the stress that doing it.. In any case, it’s quite oblivious. Or tends to lean on that way. I  don’t always like it. More often though, I do not really care, and that frightens me more than anything else.


Do you trust yourself?

I really hope you do. There isn’t enough time for the contrary.